


I think I'm Paranoid

by Kamari333



Series: ain't this a lamia [3]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Implied/Referenced Abuse, Lamia, Lamiatale Sans (Undertale), M/M, Marijuana, Movie Night, Naga, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use, Sans/Lamiatale Sans/Underfell Sans (Undertale), Sans/Underfell Sans (Undertale), Sign Language, Underfell Sans (Undertale)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:27:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23240191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamari333/pseuds/Kamari333
Summary: Jumping to conclusions might as well be an olympic sport. Landing on the right answers gets a gold medal.
Relationships: Sans/Sans (Undertale)
Series: ain't this a lamia [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1641097
Comments: 28
Kudos: 137





	I think I'm Paranoid

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be lighthearted and fluffy but the boys are too smart, too observant
> 
> its kinda trash but have it

Red came back into the livingroom, popcorn in one hand and a six-pack of coke in the other. He lingered, taking in the scene in front of him.

Sans was on the couch, the lamia's head in his lap, idly stroking its skull as he hand-fed Slinky the chocolate piece-by-piece. Red could already see the tension bleeding off of Sans, the medicinal baked goods (which Edge had graciously cooked up for them after a few well timed puppy eyes, none of which were from Red) starting to hit him slow and unassuming.

With Slinky as a new fixture of their household, smoking had been banned in public spaces and any room the snake happened to be in (something about _'sensitive reptile lungs'_ , which Red thought was a load of bull, but Edge had been reading up on snakes and was of the mind that, given there was so little known about lamia, it was better to err on the side of caution). That didn't mean Red and Sans were going to give up on pot, it just meant they had to switch to brownies.

Slinky hadn't put up with the suggested diet of rats and water very well, which had been both hilarious and painful to watch. Soda and popcorn weren't on the suggested reptile feeding list, either, but given the way the little shit was enjoying the candybar Sans was feeding him (a tax to keep him out of their brownies), Red doubted Slinky gave one flying fuck.

Rain pounded against the windows, threatening to sleet. The heat was turned up, keeping the house warmer than it needed to be since a certain ectothermic asshole refused to wear a god damn sweater. It was a great day for movies.

"move your fat ass, slinky," Red snapped with less bite than he could have wanted. He nudged at the snake tail taking up two-thirds of the couch, leaving little room for Red to sit unless he wanted to freeze his ass on cold lizard.

Slinky looked up at Red, emotionless and creepily unblinking if you didn't know what to look for: his slitted eyelights widened to half moons; the way his tail was loosely spread out over the furniture, unguarded; how his joints pulsed in a steady thrum of magic; how his sockets hooded by a third. The middle finger was a pretty good indication, too.

With a soft hiss, Slinky rolled off his back and slithered off the couch completely, in a wide arc around the room, leaving Red with plenty of space to relax. Sans's smile fell to pieces, exaggerated disappointment suffusing his entire being.

"awww, he moved."

"it'll be back," Red huffed, dismissive of their guilt tripping. He made himself comfortable on the couch, setting the soda on the floor and the popcorn balanced on top of it. "pick a movie."

"already did, ass," Sans snipped, before taking a bite out of the last remaining third of the chocolate bar.

A hiss sounded by Red's head. Only the fact he had been expecting it kept him from jumping (or punching the little shit in the face). Red leaned back more firmly into the couch, letting Slinky pull itself over the couch arm, Red's lap, and what little space was between them to return to Sans' lap, twisting to 'sit' sideways against Sans' chest. The bulk of Slinky's tail was still on Red, pinning him in his seat.

"told ya it would be back," Red pointed out as Sans fed the last of the candybar to their oversized pet. Slinky made a soft churr, the kind of noise between a trill and a hiss like what some cats made, then rubbed its face against Sans' empty hand.

If Red was the kind of guy who liked people, he might have been offended that the snake living in his house seemed to like Sans better than him. If Red was the kind of guy who liked people, though, he'd like Sans better, too.

Red's own battered hands ran slow and easy over the shimmering blue ecto scales in his lap. He watched color rise in Slinky's face (something that had been happening more and more as of late, a sign Slinky said meant it was healthier, and didn't that just push buttons in Red that didnt need pressed) before hiding it in Sans' shoulder. Sans rubbed its back, his smile wicked and without sympathy under its growing softness.

Maybe if Red was the type to like people, he could admit he liked them both well enough to enjoy the sight.

"too bad ya didn't bet on it, huh," Sans hummed, spending a few more moments soothing at the lamia. When he was satisfied they were all settled, he picked up the remote and set the movie in motion. The iconic opening music was a dead giveaway to what they'd be seeing that evening.

"harry potter?"

"yup." Red could hear the pleased note in the sharply enunciated pop of the ending consonant.

Red decided he needed another brownie. "pass me the goods."

"trade you for a soda."

"cheapskate," Red all but purred. leaning over the snake tail to hoist up both popcorn and soda, setting them on the side table for easier access. He freed a bottle and passed it over. A carefully cut brownie chunk was given as payment, which Red swallowed without really tasting.

The movie started, and it was pretty obvious to him that something was off. Sans kept moving his hands and arms, and the snake was more interested in watching those than the tv.

"...why you signing at it? it ain't deaf?" Red cracked a coke open for himself. Wasn't his usual drink but it paired well with the popcorn.

More importantly, the snake liked the empty bottles, and they were safer for it than the tin cans Red caught him chipping his teeth on. More reusable too, as long as they remembered to empty and wash them.

"trying to teach him hands," Sans admitted readily.

"dumb animal ain't gonna learn jack like that," Red couldn't help pointing out. Playing interpreter wasn't enough to teach someone a language. That took time and buildup. Red remembered how annoying it had been getting Edge to catch on, long hours drilling simple concepts and smacking the occasional middle finger.

 _'bloody letterbox,'_ Slinky signed at Red. _'pumpkin boy.'_

Red didn't know what was more impressive, how fast Slinky picked up vocabulary, or the creativity it had with using its limited knowledge to try and insult Red.

"well i'll be damned."

Sans paused the movie on the scene where the house was swarmed by owls. "ok. i knew he was smart but i didn't think he'd catch on that fast."

Slinky nudged Sans' hands.

Sans chuckled, signing what he'd just said.

 _'catch on fast.'_ Slinky signed back.

Red smirked. "yeah, but how long has it been studying now?"

Sans grinned stupidly. "i just started today... you and edge?"

Red and Edge hadn't considered teaching the snake a damn thing.

"lamia magic?"

Slinky snorted. _'smart. not magic.'_ It sat quietly a moment, then signed more slowly. _'saw before.'_

Red and Sans exchanged glances. Neither one of them were high enough to touch that with a ten foot pole. Red thought about broken ribs and black ooze, bruises and a strained smile, cracks in a soul that never should have been there.

He thought about what would make a snake produce so much venom it couldn't handle it all on its own.

"brownie me."

Sans must have had the same idea. He passed Red another square with a hand you could only tell was shaking because of how the crumbs fell.

Slinky looked between them, tongue peaking out to sniff the passing snack. It recoiled from it with a hiss, instead hiding its face in Sans' shoulder. The way it moved gave Red a view of its neck, still unmarked, bare and exposed.

"...still wanna learn?" Sans asked, as if he didn't have every reason to want to avoid teaching it.

Slinky nodded, rubbing its face against Sans until it was satisfied (until the smell was gone). It looked back up, nudging Sans' hands again and pointing at the screen.

"continue the movie?"

Slinky hissed. "how ssssssssssay birrrrrd?" The lamia struggled out.

Red snapped his fingers, grabbing Slinky's attention. There was something nice about having those eyelights narrow, then dilate, when they looked at him. He didn't let himself linger on the observation long before he signed 'bird' slowly, repeating it for the snake.

 _'hate bird,'_ Slinky signed emphatically.

A snake after his own heart. "yeah, well, ya don't mind when boss roasts their wings and slathers them in butter."

"now you're just trying to make us hungry," Sans complained, unpausing the movie.

Red scooped the bit of Slinky's tail still hanging off the edge of the couch, bringing it up to curl around his shoulders and behind his head. The curve of it pressed up against the nap of Red's neck, up against his collar.

It was the closest he'd be getting to what he wanted until Edge got his shit together.

In the meantime, Red had a soda to drink, a buzz to catch, and a snake to keep warm, because someone refused to wear a goddamn sweater and he wasn't going to think about why.

**Author's Note:**

> was gonna add another chapter but i guess this is a stand alone for now XD


End file.
